I buy and sell Kansas City Investment Properties. I typically buy between 8-10 per month in inner-city distressed neighborhoods all the way up to nice suburban family neighborhoods.

I thought I had seen everything. I was terribly wrong.

I had contracted to buy a house in a predominately Section 8 rental area. It was owner occupied by a young couple that had inherited the house a few years back and they were now ready to move into a nicer neighborhood. When i interviewed them on the phone they explained that their house was in need of a few repairs and they needed to sell it as-is fast. No problem i said. Thats what Tiggers do best.

The first thing i noticed when i pulled into the driveway were a number of small empty cages on the front porch. When i entered the house the smell was horrific. They were the proud owners of a variety of snakes, birds, rats and the like. After a quick tour of the house I told them I was on my way to another appointment and would call them with an offer later in the day. Leaving as fast as possible so as not to HURL in their living room I went to the office. Later that day we negotiated our deal, came to a win-win solution for each of us, and I sent my assistant back to get the contract signed. Mean huh?

Two weeks later the customer was ready to close and had moved out. I went back for the final inspection, checked every room, garage, kitchen etc... and called the title company to release the funds to the seller. Everything was in order. UNTIL...

Later that day my clean-out crew was there pulling carpets etc... and setting off the bug bombs for the usual pre-eliminatation of any potential flea, fly, creepy crawly things. An hour into the clean-out i get a frantic call from my big, burly, manly worker screaming like a girl. Apparantly the bug bombs and disturbed the comfort of the family of FREAKIN RATS the previous owner had neglected to tell me had escaped captivity and had PROCREATED and multiplied in the walls of this lovely home. The good news he told me was they were the PET kind of rats and not the sewer kind of rats. Unfortunately the bad news was there were about 30 of them and some were as big as cats.


Well after a sleepless weekend of dreaming about rats and trying to figure out how to set fire to the house without getting caught i finally called "THE CRITTER RIDDER". He came galloping in on his 1978 Ford Econoline to the rescue! I showed up an hour later to see how he was doing. He looked like TEX COBB in the movie "Raising Arizona" and was baiting a trap when I got there. "Hows it going?" i asked. "Catch any yet?" He spit on my shoe like Josey Wales and said "yep, got 7 so far" "were they big or mean?" i asked. " 'bout the size of a cat I reckon. Pretty friendly too. Crawled right up in my hand" he said. "So what did you do?" I had to ask.

tex cobb 

"Snapped his freakin neck and threw him in the bag" he said without emotion. After wetting myself slightly I called my accounts payable girl and told her to pay the man the minute he was done. Don't need a guy like that mad at you. After 3 days he had caught a total of 24 and told me we were good to go. The next day the clean-out restarted, the rehab went without a hitch or another rat spotted.